my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
