I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
