ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
