The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
