I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
