if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
