This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
