if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
