we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
