i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
