genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Im part way to drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
