nut hugger
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
