i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
