so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
