jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
how does that bad decision feel?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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