dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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