I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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