I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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