we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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