he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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