All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
