I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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