tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
