He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
