I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
