He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need moral support for this bender
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
