South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I could fuck to npr.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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