We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
