Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
