Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
