do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
