The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
