In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
