I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
