I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
