If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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