dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
