If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
