I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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