My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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