The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
