I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
