3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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