When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we're making bets on your personal life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
