Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
