He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
