You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
