I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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