it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
