Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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