Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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